I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
