accomplished twins. life is a go
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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