dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
