shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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