wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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