I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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