I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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