We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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