my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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