My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
