We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
