I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
they need to just BURY HIM!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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