I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
