So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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