Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
