So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
