did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
