I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
