So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
