went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
