Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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