You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
