Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
