i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
