So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
