i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
