He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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