i barfeds in our rink
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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