i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
