i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
