my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
