I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
