my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize