I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
