Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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