I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
