i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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