I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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