even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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