he thought i was a dude.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you bring me the toilet please
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
