The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
