They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
