Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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