Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
