The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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