I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
