I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize