hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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