WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
