Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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