chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
