A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
