Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
