i jhust puked up my retainher.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
