its not stalking. its research.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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