yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
