pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
