she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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